Sudden Loss

At the end of May, I lost my best friend and soul mate, Don. I saw him 2 days before he died, spoke to him one day before and then he was gone. No warning, no premonition.  

I didn't know he had died. I found out on Facebook. I called him and left him a voicemail not knowing he was already gone. After not being able to reach him the next day again, and with his mailbox full, I knew something was wrong. I went to his Facebook page to see if he had posted anything, and read the message "You will be missed". I can't even begin to tell you my thoughts and feelings when I saw that. I sincerely hope none of you ever find out about a loss this way. 

Most of us have lost loved ones. It is never easy, even when you are expecting it. It is not easy when a loved one is slowly declining due to old age, Alzheimer's, or a disease like cancer. That is a long, drawn out process that can wear you down. But to lose someone suddenly, who seemed healthy, with whom you had plans and looked to the future, is devastating. 

We didn't live together, we weren't a traditional couple. Don was my best friend, sometime lover, and soul mate.  We were together for 7 years. In fact, he passed 7 years and 5 days after our first date. For most of that time, we saw or called each other at least 4-5 times a week. As the years progressed and we each moved a little farther apart in the city, we didn't see each other as much, but we never lost that connection, that bond we had.

I am slowly adapting to not picking up the phone to call or text him and to the fact that I will never receive another call from him. I am learning to live with the emptiness I feel in my life without his presence. 

I'm not looking forward to college football season this year because Don was such a fan, particularly of his beloved University of Alabama Crimson Tide. We used to watch the games from our respective homes and text each other during the game and then discuss it at length on the phone. I don't know if I will be able to watch this season. I will have to wait and see.

I did find a book that has helped me, I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping and Healing After the Sudden Death of a Loved One by Brook Noel and Pamela Blair. I couldn't open it for a couple of weeks after Don passed, but when I was strong enough to read it, I found so much in this book that spoke to me. It validated my emotions and accurately portrayed what I was/am going through, what to expect and some grief exercises. I highly recommend this book to anyone who is dealing with a sudden loss.  

You will be seeing some other posts about Don in this blog, stories about our life together and lessons I learned from him. I don't want him forgotten even though he left us too soon.

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