Learning From a Recovering Addict

I want to start by saying that anything I write here about Don are things he was open about with others, not just me. I would never betray a confidence, but Don's experiences and what I learned from them could help others.

Don was a recovering drug addict and alcoholic. He suffered from this disease most of his life. When I met him, he had been sober almost 12 months. This was not the first time he was sober, but he was determined this would be it for him. He always told me that if he relapsed, it would be a quick downhill slide and he hoped it would kill him because he did not want to live that way again. 

As I wrote in First Date, Don told me about his addicition and recovery on our first bike ride together. He wanted me to know so I could make the decision whether to pursue the relationship or not. I was so naive I really didn't understand all the ramifications and Don knew that. About a month later, Don brought over his Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book for me to read. In the front of it, he had written his name and "sober since 6-10-2009 @ 15:30". This was the book he got at his first AA meeting when he hit rock bottom and decided to change his life. I still have the book as he would not take it back. It is one of my most prized possessions. 

I read the book. I reread it. I started to slowly understand what addiction looks like and how it affects people. I recognized myself in some of these stories and how I used food instead of alcohol to medicate myself. We talked about it and he encouraged me to go to Overeaters Anonymous to work on my food addiction. Even though I had lost 92 pounds before I met Don, I still had an unhealthy relationship with food. Attending OA meetings and going through the steps helped me.  But I also came to realize that I would never truly understand what it was like to be in his situation.

He asked me to never drink around him. That was an easy promise to make as I rarely drink in any case, and even less after knowing Don. He also made me promise that if I ever saw him with an alcoholic drink, I had to immediately kick him out of my life and not give him another chance as he would lie, cheat and steal from me to get a fix. I promised but never thought I would need to do that and I never did.

Don didn't set much store by his actual birthday, which is coming up in early August. To him, his real birthday was the day he got clean, June 10. As he said, it was the day he got his life got his life back. I always gave him his birthday present on that day. My favorite gift for him was an experience, whether a dinner at a nice restaurant, a massage certificate, or money towards the purchase of a concert ticket. This year would have been his 8th anniversary. 

Don worked hard to make amends for the things he did and people he hurt while he was using. He took on that burden willingly and worked hard to repair relationships and earn forgiveness. I honor him and you who have managed to get sober, stay sober and rebuild your lives.