There are times when I am still in denial that Don is gone. I make excuses why we haven't spoken - we're both very busy, our schedules don't match, etc. And then I have to make myself admit that he is gone and this is my reality now.
I'm doing better these days. I don't burst into tears for no apparent reason, I'm sleeping and eating normally. But in some ways I am just going through the motions of life and not really participating. I feel numb inside. It's only when I am writing about him that the tears start flowing and the pain returns.
I've spent the past week thinking of the good times we had, the conversations, the car rides, the dinners. How he taught me some of his recipes from when he was a cook and how much he liked my cooking. I remember all the phone calls we had, the long conversations about sports and politics and family. I still can't hear his voice in my head but I am coming to terms with that.
One of the things that his death has done for me is to make me rethink my priorities and how I want to live my life. That means that some changes are coming for me. I'm still formulating my plans, but I want to live to the happiest, healthiest life I can. Losing Don taught me not to take anything for granted anymore. I need to pursue what makes me happy and gives me satisfaction. It will be a risk, but my family and friends know that I am a risk taker. I took a risk with Don and that changed my life. I think I can take another risk now and see where it leads me.
“Security is mostly a superstition. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.”
— Helen Keller
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